I really want to start to talk more about mental healt. I don’t know if there will be a post a month, a week or whatever. I just feel the need to share more about anxiety, depression and mental illness in general that in my country is still a stigma.
I live in Italy and lets say the 90% of the people I met treat mental illness in two different ways:
1. It’s something stupid. Everybody are stressed. Just get over it.
2. They need to be closed in a mental istitute.
People are to shallow or to scary because we don’t talk enough of MENTAL HEALT.
So here we are, my first post is about my personal anxiety and how it is to live with it.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness, affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population.
Current estimates put this number much higher – approximately 30 percent – as many people don’t seek help, are misdiagnosed, or don’t know they have issues with anxiety.
I’ve been living with anxiety since I remember, a few years ago I didn’t even know that it was a real issue I just thought there was something wrong with me. Classmates always told me that I wasn’t normal, so I stucked with their way of thinking.
When I was younger I’ve got anxiety and panic attacks at the thought of just going to school I’ve been dealing with a lot of bullying and every morning it killed my stomach. I never ate breakfast during middle school and high school. As I grew up my problems grew with me so anxiety did.
These are a few things I lived with every single day of my life.
#1. Most mornings I woke up with a weight on the stomach.
It’s not a way of speech. Most of the time I can hardly breath when I wake up.
It’s like having this huge rock lying on your chest and there’s no way to take it down. I keep enhale and exhale with deep breaths, but it doesn’t really work. This doesn’t happen only in working day. It happens always. Even on Sundays when you shouldn’t have a single worry in your life.
#2. I shake a LOT.
I always had this little tremor on my hands since I was really young, my mom told me I’ve got it from my father. When I started attend university and than work the tremor just got stronger as the stress did.
Sometimes I am in so much stress that I just shake and I can’t control it and that just increases my anxiety.
#3. I worried for things that are normal routine for you.
My brain simply doesn’t stop. EVER. EVER.
What is totally normal for you? Taking the car and go to the cinema or visit a friend, right? Especially when I don’t drive since a while, I start to get paranoid: is there enough oil in the car? What if the road is closed for working stuff and I don’t know where to go? (This is actually happened to me once and I need to inform myself everytime that I take a road. Thank you INTERNET!)
Recently, I’ve got super anxious for booking my first flight by myself: what if they’ll lose my luggage? What if the flight get cancelled? What if they don’t make me bring my luggage with me? God, my friend has been so patient with me during all this craziness for the holiday that I can’t wait to hug her when I’ll hopefully land.
#4. When something bad happened to someone else I worried that it will happen to me.
And yes, this works just with the bad stuff I never think good stuff could happen to me. It’s been a terrible YEAR.
So, a flight of that company just got cancelled? What if that happens to me? What then?
I hear about someone I know got in an accident? That could definitely happen to me.
All the bad things that happen to others just enforce my anxiety.
Except terrorist attack.. I don’t get anxious about them. Don’t even try to ask me why. I really don’t know. My brain doesn’t make any sense.
#5. I need to organize EVERYTHING!
I’m willing to move myself in another space but I need to know everything about the new place. I have to know everything that it will happen. I know it’s insane but otherwise I start panicking. I.E. We’re going to eat in a new restaurant: first step, I need to check the road on google maps and where are the parking spots; second step, the restaurant needs to have a website where I can see the atmosphere of the place and the menù.
Also I hate when the plans changed at the last minute. I hate it. Because my brain already prepared itself on which road I need to take, the quantity of oil that my car needs and the people I will meet. I can’t change everything.
So here we are. This is a little part of my messed brain.
I also use a lot of sarcasm in my life in order to try to hide my anxiety and depression. Sometimes it’s more cinism, but still..
I’m looking forward to here your thoughts about the argument and if you’re dealing with it too.